When the moon fell in love with the sun All was golden in the sky

I found out yesterday, after coming home from Crew, that one of my classmates had drowned while up north on a camp trip.

I miss her so much, because she would ALWAYS greet everyone with a smile. She loved life, and people. And she loved us.

And she was always cheery, no matter what.

We're a senior class of about only 60.

That number just went down by one more.

And we all feel kind of lost without her.

It's so weird to think she won't be there next year. In fact, I do not want to face that reality.

God, I miss her.

So, I had my first summer regatta of the season yesterday. It went AMAZINGLY!

My doubles partner and I got 4th, behind 2 of our boats, and one Minneapolis. Duluth ate our wake. And we'd only practiced 3 times, in mostly shitty weather.

My four was beating our A boat up until the last 300 meters of the race, and we were consistent the entire way through. and they didn't pass us until 100 meters. And we had the heavier boat(a bowloader) and the heavier coxswain. Go figure.

Our eight kicked ass, although I wasn't in that race. It was a fantastic weekend. I feel super happy.

As the end of your school year is here , fill out this survey according to all of the things you have accomplished..
-Changed hair colors? nope. it bleached out by sun-exposure, though. not too unusual.

-Discovered a new talent? Oh yeah. I can make people quake in fear.

-Do you have a boyrfriend/girlfriend? yes

-Broken up with somebody? yes

-Met someone you can't live without? yes. It hurts to be apart.

-Was this year the best year so far? yes, and no.

-Made a lot of friends? eh... deepened a few.

-Fail a class? no. I am too much of a perfectionist for that

-Hate a teacher? oh yes. with a passion *cough*adkins*cough,cough*

-Get in any fights? just a couple. not physical though... prolly should have smacked a couple of people.

-Fist fight? see above.

-Gain any new friends? sort of.

-Lose any old friends? yeah.

-Gone to a movie with a friend? uh huh

-Lost a family member? yes.

-Get any taller? nope. still a shorty at 5'3''

-Know someone that graduated from high school? most of my friends *sulks in a corner*

-Cut your hair? yep.


-Hug more than 3 different people?oh yes

-Tell someone you love them and mean it? Yes, as in the affirmative, "I love you with my life. Do not leave me."

-Went to a fair? ren festtttttttttt

-Dated/"talked to" someone you wished you hadn't? eh....... sort of.

-Hated someone of the opposite sex? oh yes.

-Hated someone of the same sex? .... That demands a, "No shit, sherlock"

-Saw a kiddie movie at the theaters? Ha ha, for once, no.

-Spent most of your year watching tv? Not really.

-Read a book? Many, many books, as it were.

-Sat through something boring? "Depressing Issues of Human Suffering" says it all.

-Drove a car? Not yet. Soon, though.

-Regret something you did? Who doesn't, once in a while?

and good God does it hurt like hell.
Right now, I could kill someone.

The weather, as much as I love thunderstorms, is screwing me over.

Practice was horrible.

Had a pointless day cooked up inside.

And then my date did not.. go so well?


First his mother decided he has attitude issues, appreciating what he has. Then his dinner got postponed into the time he was supposed to pick me up... so it started 45 minutes late. He had to be home at ten because of issue one. meaning I only had until 9:30. Then his father calls and tells him to come home a half-hour early.

And, as I said, I hate the weather right now. It's making me irritable, because it reminds me of him, whom I cannot seem to have physically with me. I have practice all day, and he works 8:30-4 anyways. The only time we have during the week is after dinner, and right now that's getting ruined because of the weather and his mother's misperceptions of sorts.

It hurts because I know he'll be at college next year, so I won't have him then, but god, what an awful summer this seems like, right now....

Shitty weather. No time with the people I want to be with.

At least during school, I got to see these people.

It is days like these where I feel like screaming "IT'S NOT FAIR!"- just like Sarah does in Labyrinth....

Well, I still find myself missing him, but...

I guess being apart from him is like being apart from my best friend- he fills a part of me that nothing else does. But, its more than that.

Does anyone else find the smell of how it smells after it has rained amazing, refreshing, and endearing? That the air feels lighter, like it has just cleaned your soul?

And how the build-up to the thunderstorm that gives all the rain is one big, unbearable build-up, with a ton of pressure, where the humidity is so high that you cannot breathe?

That's him.

and what's more, that's how the boy smells, too.

Somedays, my soul cries out for rain, even when I know it will make other things horrid. A thunderstorm at night cures all ails.

And sometimes, when it occurs, I feel like he's next to me- a peculiar feeling, to be sure.

But, then again, everything feels better, and, just for a little bit, everything is right with the world.

this happens to be what randomly went into a description for a poem posted on dev. art LATE last night, and it really ought to have gone in here...


How do you describe that feeling of missing someone so hard it hurts?

When You just saw them naught but two hours prior?

On the drive home, I felt myself breaking in the seat next to him, knowing I wouldn't be seeing him tomorrow morning, like I'd gotten used to over the past year. And it'd be like that next year.

Sometimes you feel so.... helpless? Hopeless? I had to start singing along to the cd to keep from slowly crying.

Sometimes one has to wonder why the big guy upstairs gave us hearts and minds to feel with. Because sometimes, it hurts....