When the moon fell in love with the sun All was golden in the sky

Or at least feel like it.

So last night I was over at Kittykins' (loverly distraction.) We went to coffee shop near her house, got LARGE Chais(bad idea, btw) and managed to bump into my male rowing coach. Awkward now, funny later, as he would say. So far, so good.

Got home, watched movie called "I Know Where I'm Going". It was hilarious. Words cannot describe movie accurately enough. All I can say is that I knew there was a damn good reason I knew why I like kilts, and scotsmen.

Still doing okay.

Kittykins decided to give me a "tramp stamp" in the form of using my lower back as a canvas for sharpie art. I now possess a lovely compass on my lower back, which I may have to take off with nail polish remover. In black and pink.

Still doing okay.

By the time we actually turned out the lights, at was about 12:30. She jokingly said if I wanted to indulge in casual spooning, she would be fine (I have been known to use people as human teddy-bears before when they're within 3-4 feet of me on the same mattress, and vice-versa). 5 minutes later finds her scootching closer, and of course I have to jokingly say, "couldn't stay away, could you?" I was probably half asleep for about and hour before I realised just how hot I was starting to get. By this time, my friend has nudged off part of the top blanket, and is quite soundly asleep. She can get kind of possessive while asleep evidently, because I suddenly found myself completely wrapped in her arms. I didn't really mind, being only slightly lucid, very half asleep, and feeling quite... well, she just kind of exudes security for me, and I had to admit, I was perfectly fine with the circumstances.

Here is where I start becoming something of an idiot.

Another hour passes, and suddenly I have gotten so hot, that my body has actually started cooling down to try to keep from overheating. Thanks to my ingenious thinking, I have worn flannel pj pants over boxers! After carefully peeling kittykins off myself so as not to wake her, I carefully take off the flannel pj pants. Instant relief, right? For a couple of minutes, yes. As soon as I was done, her possessiveness kicked back in. More points of contact. Skin to skin contact.

(and I kinda liked it)

She is just a friend, right? I mean, in my half-asleep and only slightly lucid state, I somehow find myself entwining my fingers with hers, trying to get closer, and in my dream, it's like I am chasing her, and every time I feel a point of contact lose contact, its like I'm losing her. Eventually I catch up with her. And here is where I wake up suddenly again.

Only to find myself facing her, head into her shoulder, and her hands loosely in my hair and arms around my shoulder and waist. I am kind of still holding out hope that she was still very asleep, since she is usually a heavy sleeper.

This is when it gets worse. Eventually there is tangling of legs.

I turn a lot in my sleep. I also wake up frequently. One time when I woke up, it was about 4:30. I sat up, trying to clear my head. She woke up, and we had small talk about how warm it was, and how she should know by now that I have sleeping problems.

After about 5 minutes of meaningless nonsense, she sat up, wrapped her arms around me, and just kind of pulled me back under the covers. Spooning on our right sides. She was really close.

I am unsure what to think. She says she slept great, felt really well rested, and didn't seem like anything had been awkward at all. I also felt really well rested as well, but I couldn't shake a feeling that normally friends don't do that sort of thing.

And they probably certainly do not do it when the one regards the other like a little sister, but way closer, and without the familial tie(she's a year ahead of me).

And they probably do not sigh in their ears.

And probably do not sleep with chins in crooks of necks.

I am just confusing myself now. Am I over thinking this? And am I just being paranoid because I just went through a semi-nasty break-up?

It so does not help that she was in and out of my dreams all last night.

And all she has ever been is just a ridiculously close friend. You know, the kind that knows you as well as you do, if not better?

The kind you sob hysterically on their shoulder with?

This feels vaguely like an awkward turtle.