When the moon fell in love with the sun All was golden in the sky

babysitting went pretty well. it was a quiet day overall. they just decided to take their walk when it was blazing hot outside(i melt like a snowman in high heat and humidity)..... oh well. at least they didn't bicker today... i hate it when they do it. it reminds me too much of my baby brother screaming at to go away(billy:AWAY! AWAY! me: hey! stop hitting me! its time to eat!)......

right now: really missing someone. shes practically the better part of me, and i have to live without her for 4-6 months. its so depressing. we dont even go to the same school anymore, so i wont get to see her everyday. she always knew when i felt shitty, even if no one else knew, because i always tried to act like nothing was wrong. i hate it when people worry about me, and having people ask me why i'm not smiling or being happy like i usually am really sucks. its like people expect me to be happy all the time, and its really tiring putting on that happy face, covering up the shadows from a lack of sleep, and trying so hard not to fall over from exhaustion. there are some days where i just wanna cry because its so much. and she always made the pain go away. she knew when i needed my space. she knew when to bug me about something i didn't want to talk about. and now she not here. its like you dont know what you've got until its gone(yeah i know, straight from big yellow taxi, but who cares right?). and then when you do, you want it so bad it hurts. i cant even call her, or email her. i have to live with writing her letters, and then wondering when the reply gets back. (i'm gonna stop now.... i'm getting super whiney and i sound like a dork. this isn't the sort of thing you guys wanna hear about anyways...)
how i'm essebtially feeling right now:i think some lyrics from Iris by Goo Goo Dolls sums it up nicely...

excerpt from Iris(Goo Goo Dolls)
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
Chorus

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Verse 3

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

i'm out.
an-chan.

Big Yellow taxi- counting crows
They paved paradise and put up a parkin' lot
With a pink hotel, a boutique, and a swingin' hot spot
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parkin' lot

They took all the trees, and put em in a tree museum
And they charged the people a dollar and a half to see them
No, no, no, don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They paved paradise, and put up a parkin' lot

Hey farmer, farmer, put away your DDT
I don't care about spots on my apples,
Leave me the birds and the bees - please
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Hey now, they've paved paradise to put up a parking lot
Why not?

Listen, late last night, I heard the screen door swing,
And a big yellow taxi took my girl away
Now don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got till it's gone
They paved paradise and put up a parking lot
Hey now now, don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you got till it's gone
They paved paradise to put up a parking lot
Why not, they paved paradise
They put up a parking lot
Hey hey hey, paved paradise and put up a parking lot

I don't wanna give it
Why you wanna give it
Why you wanna givin it all away
Hey, hey, hey
Now you wanna give it
I should wanna give it
Cuz you're givin it all away, no no

I don't wanna give it
Why you wanna give it
Why you wanna givin it all away
Cuz you're givin it all givin it all away yeah yeah
Cuz You're givin it all away hey, hey, hey

Hey, paved paradise, to put up a parking lot
la,la, la, la, la, la, la ,la ,la ,la ,la
Paved paradise, and put up a parking lot