When the moon fell in love with the sun All was golden in the sky

so, yeah, updating again. i'll put the omake up after this little "rant" about how much life kinda sucked today. yeah, its gonna be whiney. i'm gonna sound pathetic. i dont care. i need somewhere to vent, and right now, my outlet is in arizona.

so yeah, today i had to get up and go to orientation. what a joy. then i had to sit through my headmaster drone on about his damn love of golf, and how much he enjoys it even though he sucks. then i got to listen to my dean go through the handbook for a 4th time. and then my biology teacher from last year got to give us the talk on(just us and the junior girls) how our school wants to run our social lives. a.) as now defined, my talking with my close friends every day would be too exclusive. even if its three of us. b.) we're not allowed to go around in our "sports cliques"(even though thats where most of my friends are, and it goes for pretty much everyone else) because again, its too exclusive. c.) being seen talking to a guy too much can get you in big trouble. they limit how much we actually "hang out" with the guys in our school, so when we get to our jr. year,they're like, um, why dont you guys get along better? i mean, honestly, those co-ed class parties should have been enough. and y'know, you're not really allowed to be socially adept with the oppostie sex here, because you might just start acting like normal teenagers. d.) forget going and having a boyfriend/girlfriend if you want one. if they find out you're going out with someone from your class or in the school, they'll try to forbid you from having any contact at school. period. they've done when they thought boys ad girls have gotten too close. at the begining of every year, they basically make you sign away any rights you have with concerns to your social life. this is not a joke. yeah, i know, you guys are wondering why i go here right? because its small, and i wont get lost. i dont have to deal with people i know will try to hurt me. i can actually learn without having distractions. and it has a pretty decent art program. thats about it though.
so when i got home, i had to do loads of cleaning to help get the house ready for my brothers graduation party. what a joy. i was having issues with the vacum cleaner, and got a little pissed that i have to do all this cleaning just for my brother, when i know that i wont even get thanked by him for all work thats been done, and he just comes up to me and yells at me telling me how little i do around the house, and how worthless i am in the whole scheme of things, and how i never do anything except babysit once in a while and such. and i got pissed and yelled back at him because he wasn't doing anything. then, about ten minutes later, a vacum attatchment stopped working, and while i was trying to get it to work, my brother came out of his room, and started poking things. when i told him to just go away because i was still uberly pissed, he yelled at me never to raise my voice to him ever again, and tried to slap me. when i managed to stop him in mid slap, he grabbed both of my wrists and sqeezed very hard, and twisted, while lecturing me on how not horrible my life is. then he started laughing at me becuase i started crying because my life is horrible right now. i'm going to be going to school everyday for the next 4-5 months without much sleep, have to go to a 2 hour swim practice everyday except wednesday(because we have saturday practice), then come home and try to do 3 hours of home work while extremely tired, and not even be able to talk to my best friend for the duration of the time, and just hope that she actually responds to the letters i'll try to send her.yep john, my life is just peachy right now.

it was about 2:30, so after futile attempts at getting the vacum to work, i went downstairs and had a sandwhich because i hadn't had lunch. and the entire time, i couldn't stop crying because i feel so lonely and tired. life sucks. i kinda wish i didn't have to go through with it a lot lately. especially when knowing my friend, she'll probably have a relapse, land herself another few months in treatment, and i wont see her all year. it was just as bad last year because she was in and out of the hospital for months, never wanted to talk to anyone, and i think i saw her twice in like, 7-8 months. so yeah, you get the picture. i just wish i could have had a decent night's sleep for a week. guess i'm not meant to have a happy year. life just loves to kick you when you're down. then it comes back for more. now i'm really pissed, i hate my brother, and i'm depressed. so much for not crying about anything anymore. i can just tell right now life's gonna suck. rachel, you'd better get back soon without relapses or i might actually go insane. i'm not kidding. i can never vent like normal people, so i blow up. it sucks. i never get any sleep, like last night. i have to do so much during swim season, even though i'm tired, and need to rest.(my brother never had to do anything during wrestling, but he cant be bothered to do the dishes so i can do my homework while he goes and has a social life.) i'm gonna stop now and just post the omake... i'm just so damn tired i cant see straight. i hope everyone else had a better day.